Why selfies, #hashtags and likes can be a recipe for disaster for girls’ mental health

As we are nearing the end of our Mental Health Awareness Week, my blog this week is focusing on an issue that can affect girls of all ages – the use of social media and its impact on mental health.

Most of us can recall with horror some of the major embarrassments of our youth. Thankfully, apart from a few yellowing photos or some highly grainy video footage, these embarrassments have been confined to the depths of our own memories. As a result, I look back on my childhood and teenage years and remember just how free it all felt. I could act the fool, have an ‘off’ day and no one would ever really know!

So why is this important? And what has social media, and our celebrity culture, done to change the way our young people feel and act in their daily life? As our children grow up, most do not wish to appear in any way out of the ordinary. They don’t want to feel different. The need to belong in their circle of friends and, at a time when they are just finding out who they are, really need to feel accepted, liked and admired. It is not ‘cool’ to be different – unless of course it is in an alternative way – and young people generally don’t want to seem in any way embarrassing.

Today, we are all constantly living through a lens. Wherever you go there are people on their mobiles, laptops, tablets. It is now becoming acceptable to be looking at a screen rather than the person with whom you are having a conversation. Whether on a bus, or in a café, people are often there only in body as they are simultaneously living out their digital lives. So as individuals, in many ways, we are under constant surveillance. Fall over in the street and you can bet it will wind up on the next You’ve been framed; go to see a concert and rather than watching with our eyes we are videoing our favourite songs or taking the inevitable selfie.

Of course, there are huge benefits that the internet – and social media – have bought with them – especially how we deliver our teaching and learning. However, one could argue our culture has now become one of over-sharing. What is more, this sharing is, in many ways, a filtered sense of reality as opposed to revealing what is going on ‘behind the scenes’, thus leading to those looking at the posts, photos or comments to feel a sense of failure as they compare their own lives to other people’s projections of their apparently perfect lifestyles. 

At a time when young people are doubting their own selves, this can lead to catastrophic feelings of low self-esteem, depression and – as recent research has uncovered – body image insecurity, or body ‘dysmorphia’, as so much research is now highlighting. 

The Institute of Social and Economic Research recently tracked happiness levels of just short of 10,000 girls and boys between the ages of 10-15. The results were enlightening, but also deeply concerning for me personally as a Headteacher of an all-girls’ school. The research found that teenage girls who use social media suffer more emotional and social problems than boys. While happiness levels fell for both boys and girls as they got older, the drop was greater for girls. Researchers suggested this may be because girls have a greater tendency to compare themselves to others and look at the number of “likes” they receive. In addition, a report from the Office for National Statistics highlighted that 11 percent were found to be in the top category for time spent on the websites, compared to only 5 percent of boys.

So why is it that girls feel the need to spend so long on social media, and compare themselves physically and socially more than boys? In many ways the answer should not come as a big surprise. In 2014, a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health compared the mental health of schoolchildren in 2014 with a sample from 2009. It found that sexualised images were fuelling anxiety in our girls aged 11-13, linked to seeing images of women portrayed as sex objects on Facebook, Twitter and other websites. Women and girls today feel the need to be perfect. Constantly surrounded by images of people with ‘perfect bodies’ and women who are hugely successful and ‘have it all’, makes today’s girls feel they have a lot to live up to: even though behind many of these images there is a large team of stylists and a lot of air-brushing! From the outside looking in, this is a tough act to follow. As curious beings - which most of us are, the desire for girls to test how attractive they are against this very high standard, can result in them posting a selfie or two to see how many people respond to give their self-esteem a boost. Rather like a drug, this often isn’t enough – self-esteem goes beyond a girl’s surface appearance – and the resultant highs and lows that social media can bring become an addictive self-esteem ‘fix’. However, this doesn’t deal with the actual issue of body confidence and low self-esteem which can then mean the problem is overlooked.

By seeking this self-esteem online, girls are opening themselves up to the dark side of the internet – often inadvertently - and certainly at an age where they are too emotionally immature to deal with the consequences. In any one week you will find a case of online trolls who have been attacking women – not the best environment for a young, impressionable girl to start building a perception of themselves.

So, what can we do both in our schools and in our homes to help save tomorrow’s young women from feeling they are not worthy and, rather, achieve their full potential? In our schools, mental health needs to stay firmly at the top of the agenda.

At our school we have initiated a ‘Mental Health Awareness Week’. Not only have we focused on activities and tools to help our young people stay healthy, and educating them on internet safety, but we use our assemblies, our one-to-ones, and our class time to raise the ‘difficult’ issues. We talk openly to our children about things we know they will be seeing and hearing online and encouraging them to share their experiences with us. We try not to shy away from the difficult issues but adopt an open and honest approach to help our girls feel that they can always come to us should they need to talk. In addition, our safeguarding policies are visible and actively engaged with by all members of our community. We are keen to raise concerns with our children at an early stage and ensure that support and help is available should they need it.

So, what can parents do to help buck this worrying rise in mental health issues in girls? I would certainly advocate a healthy balance. It is tempting to ban all devices from your child’s life however it is important to educate your child; taking away any exposure can mean that some of the difficult conversations won’t come up and the lessons won’t be learned as they approach adulthood. Take an interest in your child’s online life and ask questions. Some parents have a real fear that their children know more about the internet than they do so they just block it out. Rather, I would recommend learning about the programs and apps your child is using. Get online family protection and look at the age limits on apps and if they are too young don’t let them use those – they are in-place for a reason! If possible, follow their online accounts and talk to your daughters about the reason you need to monitor their online activity to keep them safe. Use some age-appropriate examples so that they understand the dangers. Keep your electronic devices in a central area and ensure that, when your girls go to bed, their device is left downstairs. Most importantly talk to us at school if you have concerns and keep talking to your children about online issues and online relationships.

Finally, have device-free family time: make sure your child can communicate offline, as well as online! Face to face social skills can naturally help boost your child’s self-esteem and confidence and dissipate the feelings of loneliness that the online environment can create. I strongly believe that we can change these statistics and help our girls to regain their confidence by working together.